Monday, September 15, 2008

Scared

There's one friend of mine that doesn't know I'm pregnant. I'm worried about telling her. She lives in another state, so it's not that I'm hiding myself from her. I've just been avoiding making the phone call to tell her. She and her husband have been struggling with infertility for 2 years and are getting ready to start IVF to try and have a baby.

I have fertility guilt. Not that this baby was super easy to conceive - it did take almost a year. But I still am dreading telling her we're having a baby. Not because she'd freak out on me or hold it against me. She'd never do something like that. But just because I know telling her is going to be one more little heartbreak on this journey of hers.

There are times I'd gladly trade places with her so that she could have a baby. I've had one, I almost feel like it's not fair that God has given me a 2nd baby to love when my dear friend hasn't been blessed with her first.

Please pray for me to have the strength and grace to be able to tell her as gently as possible. And please, please pray that they're blessed with a healthy pregnancy soon. They'll be amazing parents and she really deserves to be a mom.

1 comment:

SMITHA said...

It IS difficult, but I'm sure she'll be very happy for you. Don't feel guilty. You are chosen to be the mother for this bean just like her bean is waiting out there for the perfect time.